Thursday, 14 May 2015

Ins & Outs May 15


Ed Moribund

Having murderous intent.

improper use of Tofu

Having a permanent look of bewilderment

Pampering your penis on a Thursday evening

Becoming aroused at the thought of a kebab

Claiming to know Nucky Thompson.

Going to Runcorn  people watching just to make yourself feel normal.

Remembering Louis jeans.

Favouring mung beans.

Inappropriate grinning.

Truly empathising with a psychopath.

Saying " yeah am partial to the odd nosh".

Blaming Islam for a a poor Derby performance.

Not knowing how to take it.

Mistaking baldy people for each other.

Telling someone over and over, “you look like a bouncer” (or Bizzie)

Shaping your pubes into a fringe to create your own Ringo Starr

Deaf school knickers

Slicing imperial soap

Smacking yer dad on the back of his head


The bombed out church

Tinned black pudding

Not giving a shit about facebook

Mad  bastards who stop at nothing

Remembering haircuts in “Daves” (opposite the Royal, where kevin keegan went)


Bette Bright’s Big Bossom


Sitting on a plank across the barbers chair

Remembering “Vic”

Placing an macadamia nut in your bosses ear

Jellied Heels



Pork belly ice cream

Having a leather scrotum transplant

Having a B.A in B.S.

Stifling a loaf

Firm, muscular snails

Frying a hard-boiled egg

Whimsical Pro’s

Ball crushing, green Jumbo cords

Garrulous Gorilla’s

Resembling a walnut

Courtesy flushing

Getting road rage on the bog

Granddad farts


The next 5 years

Claiming to know…(ahhh, who gives a fuck)

Blogs (like this)

Confusing personal taste with fact

Farrage’s scrotum face

Tinned pizza

Discussing white goods

The Self Righteous

Concealing a poached egg

Telling everyone what exercise you have done that day

Telling everyone what you have eaten that day

Telling everyone what you earn

Telling everyone what gangsters you know

Telling everyone , “what you really mean”

Telling everyone about the big line you have just had

Disagreeing with trout

Smug pit bulls

Trying to be serious

Jangling about your mate on social network sites

Fat baldy scousers


Kissing kebabs

Interrupted wanks


trendy bizzies

Bizzies with handlebar moustaches

Your Tory mate

Gordon taylors  monumental stupidity.


The continuing plan to make very city look the same

Diego Costas demonic eyebrows.

Van Galls unearthly forehead.

Saying "ups a daisy".

Amish beards.

Coconut conundrums

Conspirational coughs

Considering counting

Counting on a considered reaction


Saying "i used to be a Grock".

Inexplicably starting to resemble Zak Dingle. (I’d consider this an IN meself)

Opening yer beer with a lighter (when a bottle opener is right in front of you)

Steve Allens Alien Anus

Telling people about their own country’s history

Discussing garden size, engine size and mortgages on a night out

Complicit pomegranates

Leaving a skiddy in yer mates bog

Tight fitting anything

Snarling at barmaids

Sending a bottle of champagne over