First of all, some sort of apology explanation should be
forthcoming re: Louis Jeans in the
last ins/outs. A pair of Brutus Gold
to the first person to have spotted this not so deliberate mistake. (Brutus Gold was a make of jeans popular
amongst certain folk.)
A true tale: Willie Whitelaw, the Home Secretary and dear
Margaret’s henchman circa 1979, introduced his short, sharp and ultimately failed
shock. Basically, it was a strict bang up strategy for the nation’s disaffected
youth. Anyway, an END reader incarcerated at the time in one of these sterile
outposts-somewhere in Yorkshire- was friendly with a Leeds fan whose poetic
words went thus: "First thing I’m doin’ when I get out, scouse, is buyin’
a pair of Brutus Gold ". The fast- paced jeans fashion roller-coaster of
the late 70s going into the 80s took no prisoners! Lois (or was it Louis?) Jeans
were designed methinks for the slender of frame Mediterranean folk. They were
always splitting all the time on the more robust scouse frames. (oh, and if any
80s casual is watching down that there London way, the same goes for you but 18
months earlier...obviously). Pass me the claret, I can feel a poem coming...
Mister Popular.
Drivin’, drivin’ very fast past the school smoking grass,
Tunes full on:
Leviticus, Deuteronomy,
Jokerman’s an apt tune for me,
Me bird’s on the corner standin’ proud and tall like a
beacon to tango
Hope she doesn't fall off the Jimmy Choo’s
Or is Scooby Doos something to do with igloos,
Someone give me a clue?
Fook, I haven't got a jar but I’ve got a belter car. Specialise
in bullying pensioners on blind bends, chattin’ imaginary friends, texting
record producers, reality show recruiters, Big Brother’s just a dream for now. I’m
movin’ in style,
Smash...Hello? Hello? You’re through to Jeremy Kyle!
Facebook
Fooligan...
Could be New Cross South London, Hunts Cross or even Holy
Cross Liverpool.
It doesn't matter, the song remains the same. Our cyber
hero yawns and stretches the seams on his Stone Island onesie working to
maximum capacity. One of his many online mates "Inky Arms", from
Slovakia wants to know why and when the skinheads put the airwear away and put Adidas
on? He’s in a pickle, maybe his old mum will know. She’s got all the newspaper
clippings this ex skinhead girl, God bless her.
‘Ah mum, he says ‘don't wear my fave Taylor Made. That's from the Open Augusta
Georgia’. ‘Nah it’s not you nitwit’, she responds. You’re getting confused
again. Your uncle George got it last August bank holiday from Southend, you
muppet.
Such is life for our facebook
fooligan. On line japes with fellow dreamers with a Jimmy Cagney ‘Top of the
world Ma!’ very much in the foreground. ‘Here son, put this nice picture up. It
shows your tattoos. The other one’s a bit blurry. Looks like a Top Gun reunion
what with all those flying jackets’. ‘Blimey! Mum that was er 1970. Er, haven't
you anymore?’ ‘Oh you mean the casual box set collection? Why didn't you say? I
loved you in that diamond Pringle’, she gushes with pride. These are bound to
get at least 20 ‘likes’ and even more ‘shares’ .Mum’s knowledge of internet
speak was invaluable. She had more followers on facebook than me, a self
proclaimed top boy. She loved putting up pics of the girls havin’ it large, bottles
of Prosecco behind their On Tour witty banner.
And finally
Mum got in a bit of "Facey " bother recently.
Two DEFRIENDS! She was more angry than upset; an innocent chat over the
incidental music featured in HOMES UNDER THE HAMMER turned down (out?) right
nasty. Mum reckoned two lardy estate agents perusing a nice piece of decking
with Badly Drawn Boy as a backing track just didn't work. Why not Blur’s one
about a big house in the country or any Chris De Burg number? One disgruntled
tweet led to another; even Techno fans got involved claiming under
representation on HOMES UNDER THE HAMMER. Before you knew it, iron girder!
Internet went into meltdown. Thank gawd it’s it sorted now. A couple of
grammatically incorrect posts, pics of grand kids. Prosecco followed by 29
xxxxxxxx happy daze!
