In
keeping with ye olde End Fanzine traditions..its been a long fucking time since
we saw some new In’s & Out’s.
In
our defence there have been deaths, health scares, medical procedures, and haircuts
occupying minds and time. Stop yer fucking wingeing and enjoy this new Batch
(which includes a few contributions from long term friend and End fan, Paul
Dooley).
See
you in Ye Cracke.
Ins
·
Salt
n Pepper undies.
·
Growling
when there’s a knock at the door.
·
Remembering
Joe Bugner.
·
Brushing
your teeth with Lard.
·
Young
Fathers (band).
·
Giving
your first born up for a bag of crispy batter from the chippy.
·
When
your top 5 go-to’s in the wank bank are now in their 70’s
·
Illegal
pomegranates
·
Jeremy’s
Foreskin (Ohhhhhh, Jeremy’s Foreskin!)
·
Sweat
rashes on your sausages.
·
Cheese
flavoured belts.
·
Darren
Gee calling out Paddy the Baddy.
·
Wah
Wah.
·
Staring
at your boss for 3 hours, without speaking or blinking
·
Sarnies.
·
Bringing
yer feller to every girls night out
·
Coughing
up an anal plug.
·
Corduroy
glasses (the drinking vessel variety AND the visual aid variety)
·
Taking
offence to Ins & Outs (yep, we ARE writing these about you, yer fucking
beaut).
·
Sleeping
on your mantlepiece.
·
Drinking
on your own, topless, in The Ship and Mitre.
·
Being
round and proud.
·
Bacon
flavoured false lashes
·
Getting
mugged in Barcelona
·
Greaseproof
paper knickers.
·
Saving
a chin, in case you lose the first one.
·
Constipation
theorists.
·
Trying
to outgig your mate.
·
Big
fuck-off jowells.
·
Biting
the wart.
·
Putting
a pickle in your daughters purse.
·
Pube
sideboards.
·
Unexplained
curtsying when your uncle comes round.
·
Protecting
your rib cage with flabage.
·
Papa
Diaz
·
Mama
Diaz
·
Confusing
Stan Boardman with Baroness Kate Hoey
·
George
Galloways wife
·
George
Galloways hat
·
The
pie oven on the bar of The Roscoe
·
The
Somerset Gimp
·
Buying
England Lioness’s soiled kits on e-bay
·
Postmen
wearing shorts on the coldest day of the year
·
Sven
Goran Eriksson
·
Construction
workers brawling at Bramley Moore Dock site
·
Getting
your bus pass
·
Singing
out loud the vowels in Celine Dion’s name
·
Politely
blowing raspberries at the Man City team coach when it arrives at your ground
·
Still
having your Erics membership card
·
Being
a vegan between meals
·
Asking
‘who’s he’ when someone mentions Taylor Swift
·
Not
owning a quad bike
·
Claiming
to only use Viagra when having three in the bed romps
·
Saying
“I’ve had him!”
·
Pete
Bentham & the Dinner Ladies.
·
Whistling
silently.
·
Whispering
loudly.
·
Having
an unconscious conscious
·
Queen
Victoria’s Knob.
·
Naming
your first born, New Paragraph Please.
Outs
·
Geordie
stag nights in Liverpool
·
Talking
about Saltburn
·
Arsenal
fans
·
Tiktok lingerie
·
Asking yer nan
to drive you to Birkenhead for some Lemo.
·
“cool”
colleagues.
·
Grilling yer
dad’s vest.
·
Delivering a
lecture so drunk, you start crying.
·
Hanging out
with the bad boys to try to attain coolness.
·
People
who don’t get that the Earth is actually square.
·
Name
dropping Leccy Legs
·
Posting
stuff about well-being, but being a 2 faced, snidey, gobshite in
reality.
·
Welsh
motorbikes
·
Bringing
yer bird to every Lads night out.
·
Answering
EVERY question with a humorous reply.
·
Sharing
your teeth.
·
Leaving
a bowl of boiled eyebrow hair under yer ma’s bed.
·
Half
and half ties
·
Crosby.
·
Vegan
Cows
·
Home
baked head phones
·
Ordering
a skinny latte from your chippy
·
The
new mullet.
·
Using
a scotch egg as a shinpad.
·
Sertraline
soup.
·
Setting
up a leggings factory in your attic.
·
Unzipping
carrots.
·
Mad
ginger bastards.
·
Titty
lip.
·
Using
patè to freshen your breath.
·
Referring
to footballers with double barrel names, by their initials only
·
DCL
·
Confusing
Baroness Kate Hoey with Stan Boardman
·
Going
abroad on snowboarding holidays to get cold
·
Taking
selfies with the pie oven in the Roscoe
·
London
Road
·
Secretly
warming to Gary Neville as a TV pundit
·
Starting
sentences with the words ‘I’m no expert but’ and then talking crap
·
Turkish
barber shops
·
Bumping
into Stan Collymore at dogging events
·
Letting
slip you drive an electric car
·
Subscribing
to Katie Price’s ‘Only Fans’ site
·
Going
paperless
·
Rebecca
Vardy
·
Madonna’s
daughters arm pits
·
Having
a drone
·
Wearing
no top in a beer garden whilst drinking pints of stella
·
Referring
to your bird as ‘er indoors’
·
Richard
Keyes
·
Joining
the neighbourhood WhatsApp group
·
Displaying
angst on social media about the conflicts in Syria / Ukraine
·
Lycra
barmcakes
·
Match
snobs
·
Skinny
caramel legs
·
Postcode
baseball caps
·
Applying
logic.
·
Hairy
cheese.
·
Entering
the death Era.
·
Missing
your appointment at the chippy.
·
West
Derby’s trendy new pubs.
·
Daryl
Hannah’s ever elongating ball sack.
