(NEW) In's and Outs

 

In keeping with ye olde End Fanzine traditions..its been a long fucking time since we saw some new In’s & Out’s.

In our defence there have been deaths, health scares, medical procedures, and haircuts occupying minds and time. Stop yer fucking wingeing and enjoy this new Batch (which includes a few contributions from long term friend and End fan, Paul Dooley).

See you in Ye Cracke.

 

 

Ins

 

·         Salt n Pepper undies.

·         Growling when there’s  a knock at the door.

·         Remembering Joe Bugner.

·         Brushing your teeth with Lard.

·         Young Fathers (band).

·         Giving your first born up for a bag of crispy batter from the chippy.

·         When your top 5 go-to’s in the wank bank are now in their 70’s

·         Illegal pomegranates

·         Jeremy’s Foreskin (Ohhhhhh, Jeremy’s Foreskin!)

·         Sweat rashes on your sausages.

·         Cheese flavoured belts.

·         Darren Gee calling out Paddy the Baddy.

·         Wah Wah.

·         Staring at your boss for 3 hours, without speaking or blinking

·         Sarnies.

·         Bringing yer feller to every girls night out

·         Coughing up an anal plug.

·         Corduroy glasses (the drinking vessel variety AND the visual aid variety)

·         Taking offence to Ins & Outs (yep, we ARE writing these about you, yer fucking beaut).

·         Sleeping on your mantlepiece.

·         Drinking on your own, topless, in The Ship and Mitre.

·         Being round and proud.

·         Bacon flavoured false lashes

·         Getting mugged in Barcelona

·         Greaseproof paper knickers.

·         Saving a chin, in case you lose the first one.

·         Constipation theorists.

·         Trying to outgig your mate.

·         Big fuck-off jowells.

·         Biting the wart.

·         Putting a pickle in your daughters purse.

·         Pube sideboards.

·         Unexplained curtsying when your uncle comes round.

·         Protecting your rib cage with flabage.

·         Papa Diaz

·         Mama Diaz

·         Confusing Stan Boardman with Baroness Kate Hoey

·         George Galloways wife

·         George Galloways hat

·         The pie oven on the bar of The Roscoe

·         The Somerset Gimp

·         Buying England Lioness’s soiled kits on e-bay

·         Postmen wearing shorts on the coldest day of the year

·         Sven Goran Eriksson

·         Construction workers brawling at Bramley Moore Dock site

·         Getting your bus pass

·         Singing out loud the vowels in Celine Dion’s name

·         Politely blowing raspberries at the Man City team coach when it arrives at your ground

·         Still having your Erics membership card

·         Being a vegan between meals

·         Asking ‘who’s he’ when someone mentions Taylor Swift

·         Not owning a quad bike

·         Claiming to only use Viagra when having three in the bed romps

·         Saying “I’ve had him!”

·         Pete Bentham & the Dinner Ladies.

·         Whistling silently.

·         Whispering loudly.

·         Having an unconscious conscious

·         Queen Victoria’s Knob.

·         Naming your first born, New Paragraph Please.

 

 

Outs

 

·         Geordie stag nights in Liverpool

·         Talking about Saltburn

·         Arsenal fans

·         Tiktok lingerie

·         Asking yer nan to drive you to Birkenhead for some Lemo.

·         “cool” colleagues.

·         Grilling yer dad’s vest.

·         Delivering a lecture so drunk, you start crying.

·         Hanging out with the bad boys to try to attain coolness.

·         People who don’t get that the Earth is actually square.

·         Name dropping Leccy Legs

·         Posting stuff about well-being, but being a 2 faced, snidey, gobshite in reality.

·         Welsh motorbikes

·         Bringing yer bird to every Lads night out.

·         Answering EVERY question with a humorous reply.

·         Sharing your teeth.

·         Leaving a bowl of boiled eyebrow hair under yer ma’s bed.

·         Half and half ties

·         Crosby.

·         Vegan Cows

·         Home baked head phones

·         Ordering a skinny latte from your chippy

·         The new mullet.

·         Using a scotch egg as a shinpad.

·         Sertraline soup.

·         Setting up a leggings factory in your attic.

·         Unzipping carrots.

·         Mad ginger bastards.

·         Titty lip.

·         Using patè to freshen your breath.

·         Referring to footballers with double barrel names, by their initials only

·         DCL

·         Confusing Baroness Kate Hoey with Stan Boardman

·         Going abroad on snowboarding holidays to get cold

·         Taking selfies with the pie oven in the Roscoe

·         London Road

·         Secretly warming to Gary Neville as a TV pundit

·         Starting sentences with the words ‘I’m no expert but’ and then talking crap

·         Turkish barber shops

·         Bumping into Stan Collymore at dogging events

·         Letting slip you drive an electric car

·         Subscribing to Katie Price’s ‘Only Fans’ site

·         Going paperless

·         Rebecca Vardy

·         Madonna’s daughters arm pits

·         Having a drone

·         Wearing no top in a beer garden whilst drinking pints of stella

·         Referring to your bird as ‘er indoors’

·         Richard Keyes

·         Joining the neighbourhood WhatsApp group

·         Displaying angst on social media about the conflicts in Syria / Ukraine

·         Lycra barmcakes

·         Match snobs

·         Skinny caramel legs

·         Postcode baseball caps

·         Applying logic.

·         Hairy cheese.

·         Entering the death Era.

·         Missing your appointment at the chippy.

·         West Derby’s trendy new pubs.

·         Daryl Hannah’s ever elongating ball sack.