Ins &Outs May 2012

INS

·         Inspecting your produce before you flush

·         Jah scouse

·         Filling your daughters pink doc martins with sardines

·         Having exactly 1792 different specimens in yer undies

·         Ian’s sandy Mcnab’s

·         Ordering  Jeremy Clarkson to teabag Maggie thatcher before you coolly club him with a sock full of thruppeny bits

·         Jerry Lee lewis

·         Walking on the beaches , lookin’ at  the…………………. used jonnies and rizla packets

·         Japanese porn

·         Glen Johnson’s acting skills in the mars ad

·         Glen Matlock’s fetlock

·         Yearning for the pasta

·         The Sand band

·         Breaking Bad

·         Thick as thieves

·         Knee length ball sac’s

·         Smoking pubes in yer 3 skinner

·         Mysterious stains

·         Creating havoc

·         Gaper’s

·         Telling your kid you stood on the Tooth fairy..so that’s the end of that bollocks

·         8 out of 10 twats

·         Writing a song about yer mate’s girlfriend’s thong

·         Staring at the rude boils

·         Friggin’ in Wigan

·         Finding yer ma in laws antwacky underskirt in yer auld feller’s sock drawer.

·         Ingrowing toads

·         Proud erections

·         Planting cress seeds in yer ma’s belly button

·         Paul Simons mysterious elongated ear lobes

·         Uttering in Utah

·         Crispy fried sock

·         Hugging Rottweiler’s

·         A sneaky thumb job

·         Knitted books

·         Tottenham not making it to the champions league

·         Sweaty clefts

·         Easy skankin’

·         Using marmite as sex food

·         Shredded wheat on toast

·         kicking fuck out of anyone who sings “who like de mango”

OUTS

·         The premier league

·         Media whores

·         Plazzy flags

·         Russell Bland

·         Ogling your kid’s teacher

·         Stephen Rotherham’s barnet

·         Borrowing your neighbours hair dryer every Friday (you know who you are feller)

·         Jaggers jowls

·         Kieth’s  cardigan

·         Ringo’s Wrinkles

·         Paul’s Piles

·         Lennon’s Leggings

·         Pete’s pockets

·         Townsend’s  tiny testie’s

·         Roger’s ringworm

·         Daltry’s doughnut ring

·         Rod’s rotting rectum

·         Stewart’s skin tags

·         Crosby’s callipers

·         Nash’s Nashers

·         Still’s shrinking scrotum

·         Dylan’s Daiper’s

·         Zimmerman’s Zimmer frame

·         Klingons-(those bits of poo that cling on to the hairs in yer ass crack)

·         The jelavic song

·         Old unsuccessful artists slagging other people music tastes on social network sites

·         “Moduals”…if you have seen the casuals DVD you’ll know what I mean…fuckin Knobuals more like.

·         Barry the Mod

·         Shitty, patronising money saving info adverts

·         Tory pricks…despites it obviousness, fuckin hell…anyone who voted tory can just fuck right off

·         Assuming your own coolness

·         Bacon flavoured bubblebath.

·         Drogba’s goal celebration in the FA cup final.

·         Standing in the stands, arms outstretched.

·         Slip on shoes and too short skinny cecks

·         The wombats (again)

·         Flip charts

·         Ironing cornflakes at 3.47am

You can still buy The END BOOK and read the original Funny Ins & Outs and stuff by Mick potter, Peter Hooton, Kevin Sampson and co, plus letters  from the Derby Lunatic Fringe!

There are a limited amount of signed copies in Waterstone’s on Bold Street and in the Liverpool 1 shop. … and of course you can still get it on line here.
http://www.sabotagetimes.com/football-sport/were-you-a-big-fan-of-the-end/