September 13 Ins & Outs

Ins

Your arse is on your head, your arse is on your head, you arse is on your head (bring back bald footy players and refs)

Cantinas

Saspirella

Knowing someone who has shagged a tomato

Tony Bellows Big gash

Pete shelleys muzzy

Padding out your lunchbox/package with rice pudding

Oxtail soup toasties

Sucking hard on an oxo

Placing a plaice in yer mates hood

Smoking rice crispys in a doobie

Putting a rice crispy in your bosses top pocket

 D.L.T perms

the D.L.T IS INNOCENT campaign.

Being suspicious,

Pork flavoured custard

smoking fresh air,

sly kicks at pets,

knowing what blind scouse is,

snitchin on snitches,

reading echo obituaries before your mar has,

not understanding family etiqutte,

still enjoying pub quizs

not knowing any hard cases at all and enjoying that fact

remembering Kojaks watch

Coal

Bartering with butter

Putting hot dogs in your mates ma’s central heating cupboard

Dicing with Dench

Giving your nan a butt plug for chrimbo

Providing an example to Example…before hastily flinging him off the 14^th Floor

Coffee butties

Curried cotton

Playing cricket on your own

Dreadlock’d pubes

The Systematics

Punching a pygmy

Slapping slid

Chinning  Chris Malone

Giving yer boss a cheeky kiss on his bald head when you’re clocking off

Wearing footy socks over yer jeans

Eating yer mates daughters chicken nuggets while yer mates on the phone

“size of a mammoth”

Loitering in Leeds

Dogging in Dagenham

Smirking in Smedley

Rioting in Rhyl

Diarrhea in Derby

Wearing your aunties thong

Massaging your bosses lego

 

 

 

 

OUTs

Ian fucking Ayre and his harley

Knee length testies

Mark Lawrenson

Manager of the month curse

Knowing someone who sends champagne over to people they know

That mad manc firm at the buzzcocks gig (50 yr olds in sheepie’s in a mosh pit isn’t a great look)

Scousers on those magaluf tv programmes

Rimming a rhino

Lushwives

“Hurr hurrr hurrr” laughs

BRodgers self portrait

You STILL wearing hoodies? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

wearing your lads north face

jimmy saville rinses,

talking about lines all the fuckin time

saying totally agree mate, when you’re thinking get me away from this boring fuck

being stressed,

stressing out,

stressing over xmas menus

the word stress,

not being stressed out

 not recognising stress,

stress related cardigans

refuting things

having a cat as a mate,

whistling soft porn tunes,

remembering,

concentrating ,

the word bugle,

having a cousin who’s a loon

shouting medication time on the train

robbin’ rembrandts.

Stealing steak

Nicking Nike

Pickpocketing Police

Talking teak

Getting a tit nudge off yer nan

Young pups passing on wisdom to you

Having a spat with China,

Kicking fuck out of a sausage

Ball bag beards

“Dickcember”( leave your dick hanging out your zipper for the entire month of December for charity)

Polishing your elbows

Frying a frozen fritter on a Friday

Diced soup.

Collecting grass

Townies

Getting yer mates daughter to hold yer ciggy while you eat her chicken nuggets

Breaking your nipple

Felching in Fulham

Bumming in brum

Massaging your bosses ego

Remembering Scottie Road

Snarling at a sweaty growler

D. wing

 

Ahead of Tomorow's Liverpool Man u game, here's an excellent read from thenfieldwrap / Karl Coppack

Ahead of Tomorow's Liverpool Man u game, here's an excellent read from thenfieldwrap / Karl Coppack
Our Friends in the North

WEDNESDAY night sees another Cup tie against ‘our friends from the other end of the M62′ (George Sephton, under P.R duress, April 1988) and the continuation of the Scouse-Manc bunfight. It’s the League Cup so no one should be ‘that’ arsed but if this were a testimonial for the oldest Old Trafford car park attendant we’d still fill our allocation and act like it’s St Etienne. These games matter even when they don’t.

In the pre-match ramble before the Manchester derby, Carra accepted the League significance of that game but still considered the Liverpool/United game to be the biggest game in the country. He’s right. Sorry Chelsea but they’re our rivals, not you. True, the derby is still up there and that march from the Albert across the park, usually in the rain, forms a pleasing high of the season, but the United game edges it. There can’t be many rivals who would swap an Anfield win for an Etihad one and similarly Goodison and Old Trafford wins are two very different things.

It’s not the fact that we’re now underdogs since their Sky age dominance, we never won there when we were hammering the giants of Europe, it’s more that it’s historical. We’ve hated each other for decades now and we’ve hated each other for purely fantastical reasons of little significance. Our mutual annoyance at each other’s existence is a start but there’s the accents, the fashion, the haircuts and the larger game of which is the better city. This last dates back into pre-Victorian age when the pride of Manchester cotton industry was met with sniffs from the inhabitants of the world’s greatest port. The Mersey beats the Irlam. I’m putting that on a banner.

Of course it gets overly nasty, of course some of it is hard to fathom and of course it goes over the top but there’s something welcoming about it too. In April 1988 when relations between the clubs were still of 1985 standard i.e. pretty bad, a decision was made to extend the hand of friendship and unite the footballing North West. For one game only United would run out to the Kop instead of to their own fans at the Anfield Road end and would charitably kick training balls into our end to mark this newfound bond.

Every single ball came back on the pitch.

Every single one.

I love that.

The Kop boisterously sang about Bryan Robson’s supposed susceptibility to certain venereal diseases. He waved a nonchalant hand in a gesture that fooled no one. He was to have his revenge two minutes into the game by which time we’d moved onto their other players. No one wanted a chummy relationship. We like hating them and they like hating us. If United didn’t exist we’d have to create them to make the match more interesting. After that game the two managers went for each other when Kenny told the press that they would get more sense out of his baby daughter Lauren than his ranting rival. We were then eleven points clear and were about to wrap up a title that Ferguson could only dream about at that point but we never let a second’s polemics pass without comment. Winning isn’t enough for those games. You have to craw about it for ages afterwards too.

If the main reason for the rivalry is geographical in nature why don’t we do the same for City? They had a decent side when the Liverpool/United thing first kicked off so why aren’t we ascribing STDs to Vincent Kompany? Well, it’s just not the same. United were glamorous back then. Best, Charlton and Law, nightclubs, massive crowds and media darlings. Liverpool were a ‘pint of mild and a bag of chips side’ by comparison and each was mistrustful of the other. ‘You can keep your image; we’d rather have the trophies’ was the credo and the ‘Glams’, despite relegation and the Tommy Doc scandal, were still the club the press wanted to talk about. Readers of a certain age will remember Gerald Sinstadt and later Elton Welsby effusing endless praise to them on ‘Kick Off’ despite the fact that they never came close to a League title.  They weren’t true rivals in the footballing sense – just an irritating side we couldn’t beat. The party’s over, Gerald? Back then United weren’t even invited. You wouldn’t think it though. Lengthy discourses of Peter Barnes and Dennis Tueart ate into valuable Liverpool time each week.

City were never that annoying. They still aren’t in a way and if any such rivalry springs from their current success it will be on a par with Forest, Leeds and Chelsea.

To read the full article visit the following link;

http://www.theanfieldwrap.com/2013/09/our-friends-in-the-north/

Thomas McConnell- “John”

 

Some time ago I wrote a little review on the here website, advising anyone who’d listen about the Beatle inspired virtues of one Thomas McConnell.

 

 

Since then Thomas has been a busy feller. Recording more songs, performing with the likes of Ian McNabb, and having a cover version of a Paul Mcartney song tweeted by Sir Macca himself!  So when Thomas highlighted a new song on his facebook page called “John”, your humble narrator made the foolish mistake of assuming  this was a song lamenting the passing away of John Winston Lennon.

I mentioned to Thomas that I thought he needed to start imposing more of his own story into his songs and maybe back off from the Beatle covers and tributes and was shocked to hear that I had gotten this one completely wrong. “John”, it turns out is actually Thomas’ most personal song to date! He explained the sensitive nature of the origins of the songs meaning (not something he is ready to have splashed all over a crappy blog page like this) . Suffice to say, I got it wrong. (though Thomas admitted the lyrics could well be applied to Lennon should a listener choose to do so).

Give the song a listen and judge it on its own merit. I’d also highly recommend you visit his page https://www.facebook.com/thomasmcconnellmusicand check out a prolific set of tunes from this emerging young talent.

 

Thomas is touring the UK soon, see poster for details

 

 

 

 

The Sugarmen

Talking of Emerging young talent from Liverpool, “The Sugarmen” are starting to make waves in the recently flourishing locall scene.

Hailing from Liverpool (well apart from one stray cockney), they been mainly playing as support acts, their energetic songs and shows has seen them gathering more and more of their own followers with each passing show. They are playing on Alan McGee’s next 359 night   

(https://www.facebook.com/events/301380816668818 ) on October 4th “District” (Jordan Street) along with Gun Club Cemetery, Keziah, Matadors and Xylaroo, well worth heading down there for this..

 

 

 you can listen to a couple of their tunes here if you can’t wait until the show https://soundcloud.com/sugarmenuk

Enjoy and Support.

 

 

In other news TOPFLIGHT MFS have a new radio show on air at http://topflightmfs.blogspot.co.uk/

 

The Scouse / yank duo regail us with tales about “The Mabby” (Mab lane youth club) , American Grafitti, white men in tea cosy’s amongst their usual witty banter and you can hear songs by Daft Punk, Willlie Nelson (with Snoop Dog), errrr Ace (?), Donald Fagan , and an even bigger “errrrrrrrrr” for Phil Collins (HEY, I don’t pick the songs!, PC  ranks up there  with my most hated artists of all time)  The James Hunter Six, Junior Brown, and Tim Timebomb (Proper old school ska by Rancid frontman, Tim Armstrong, best tune of the night by a country mile) …fucking hell, you can’t accuse this radio show of being boring or predictable…ska, AOR, 80’s uk shite, some current stuff , a bit of Bob  Marley, a bit of rockabilly and some Amy Whinehouse!

Just have a listen yerselves yer miserable fuckers!