Ins & Outs November 2014

Normal service is resumed;

INS

 

• Investing in vests
• Snipers
• Understanding underwear
• nicking Knickers
• socking it to a sock
• (to be read in a Toyah-like lisp/lithp) Singing to a thong
• Calling people Sausage
• Finding a sprout in your ear
• Knee length gonads
• Granddads in skinny jeans
• Borrowing yer mates ma’s tights
• Jenny Agutter
• Closets
• Corsets
• Spicy sausage in yer arse pocket
• High pitched farts
• Emma Peels camel toe
• Spotting Stevie Highways muzzie in yer nans retirement home
• Camping in your attic
• All mankind (St. Johns market)
• Twatting a twat
• Making Bono History
• Hairy nipples
• Genesis corner
• Metal Guru’s
• Jayne Caseys Eyes
• Mumfords Mad Cousins
• Stray 5 inch chest hairs in your book
• Broadway Danny Rose
• Flowery Twats
• craving for bare tit
• Finding an mackeral in your sock.
• Asking for a J Arthur in a gingerly manner.
• Sounding like Joe Pasquale when drunk.
• Transgender boxing promoters. 
• Seagulls busking in town/asking you for your odds.
• wet
• Thinking your Kurdish.
• Englebert Humperdink
• getting erections in the company of Turkish waiters
• Jamie’s Tea
• Mel’s Bee
• A scotty road troubadour getting caught singing Sheena             Easton’s 9 to 5        
• Coaxing a banana
• Decorating your quilt
• A plumbers plums
• Libby’s knickers all over facebook
• Bourbon benders
• Sharing your fingernails with the French
• Purple akie’s disposition
• Spring heeled Jack’s penchant for uncle Joes mintballs
• Pj harvey’s magnificent nose
• Farting in the stationary cupboard
• Flange fixations
• Chatting shit
• Finding a quart of rocky in an old tub of hot chocolate
• Finding Derek Nimo
• Freezing your mail
• Shitty hands
• Tales of the banjo string
• Placing 300 dried peas in the hood of the person sitting in front of you on the bus
• Deep fried orange juice
• 6 doughnuts on yer dick
• Dreaming about Her Majesty doing the reverse cowboy on you
• Breaking into the chippy and changing the fat
• French letters
• Remembering the Bootle south youth club

OUTS

• Talking loudly about guns outside the alehouse
• Having fainted in the paddock
• Joe Anderson
• Retro skinhead style “sidies”
• Shitehawks
• Blue balls
• Flatulent mothers
• Library closures
• Glassy testicles
• Going ballistic in a ball pool
• Forcing anything
• Remembering razorlight
• reto beards and muzzies
• Those vile tops LFC adverise in the Echo
• Abandoned cock rings in your cornflake box
• Snapping yer banjo
• Gold cords
• Saying “deal with that”
• Bitter muso’s
• Tiny pip heads
• Blue velvet jackets
• Tattoo snobs
• Rock N Roll MP’s
• Bulging
• Geek Chic
• Raising a herd of wild buffalo in Joe Andersons Undies
• Teabagging yer grandad
• Gobshites of the highest order
• Believing in mince meat
• Making pans For Nigel
• U2 invading you phone
• U2
• BP
• BNP
• BUNP2
• Titty nudges off yer granddad
• Clingon’s
• When youre stealing clothes from Marks & Sparks
• Pulling a long sloppy one
• Getting blotchy when you’re stressed
• Tamie J
• Catty’s
• Pricks singing "lets all go to Gaza" at a demo.
• Suarez"s teeth
• Thinking your Joe Pesci after a line of coke
• Teenagers sporting Mungo Jerry type siddies.
• Being intimate with Falafel. 
• Saying "Bobby brown shoes".
• The school of science being back (what the fuck does that mean anyway?)
• Farages irksome smile.
• Remembering the fung Loy.
• Forgetting who you are.
• Thinking your a peaky Blinder.
• Gaining insight into ones Chakra.
• Sitting on the bus, grinning like a mad bastard
• Snorting Tahini.
• Saying "Wow"
• Gentrifying
• TK Maxx benders.
• Conspiring against conspiracy theorists.
• Rejecting your own independence
• Pets with personality disorders.
• Avoiding people for no apparent reason.
• Worshiping inanimate objects.
• Resembling the characteristics of a Sloth.
• skinny jeans on forty somethings.
• Remembering the scotty club