Friday, 31 March 2017

a few Derby day Ins & Out's


· Keeping a walnut handy

· Donald’s teeny tiny hands and penis

· Using sandpaper to clean that stubborn clingon

· Green Bra’s

· Burger nip’s.

· Storing porridge in yer Y-fronts on the drive to work

· Burnt Ends.

· Using stuffed crust as a belt.

· Bootle South Youth Club disco

· 3 button waist bands

· Remembering Adrian Poster

· A giant raft in the Philippines

· The Blarney Stone, NYC .

· Bob Mortimer’s face

· Getting Mexico to pay for the building of your new extension.

· ¾ Club

· Starting a Jumbo Cord’s gang

· Vicky McClure

· Cow Egg’s

· Finding part of a leek In ones underpants.

· Singing a racey song and getting caught.

· catching your auntie snorting a line.

· Snuff.

· Lionel Blair lookalikes .

· Pickled onion crisps

· Teaching yer grandma to suck legs

· Dithering

· Chemistry sets

· Telling the window cleaner he makes you wet

· Wearing a fringe like Roger mcGuinn

· Beans on Toads

· Kennedy (too much apple pie)

· String vests

· Kentucky avenue

· Knee scabs

· Violent French women

· Les Need

· Forgetting

· Burnt ends

· Ponderosa Glee Boys

· Sister Jacqueline & Carmella

· twats


· twats

· mates who remember everything

· Everything

· Ignoring fat cunts

· Avoidance Robbie on The Jump

· Using yer nans bloomer’s as your wank sock

· absorbing

· Salt and pepper chip eating supporters

· Salt and pepper’s lonely hearts club band

· Remembering Gizmo from Brookside at 4.17am

· Political images on your facebook

· Political images on your face

· Asking your nan if she wants to go to the beauticians for a facial

· Buying yer mates daughter chocolate and flowers

· The Blarney Stone, Renshaw Street

· Naming your penis “betty”.

· Being invited to a beak and beef barbeque.

· Gobshite Ginger snarler’s in Ye Cracke

· Not being there.

· The green jackets coming to play OXO on your arse

· Tooled up townies

· Positively reinforcing to your mate that he is indeed a prick.

· Being gallant for no apparent reason.

· wondering aimlessly and still getting lost.

· waking up with your face looking like a bowl of Borsch soup.

· Themed wanks.

· Being rather partial to kale.

· The return of the community oddball.

· saying Eh up.

· The female mick Jagger lips phenomenon currently sweeping Liverpool.

· Auld cunts commenting on current phenomenons

· Pop up Pre-fabricated pubs

· saying 'if I was ten years younger'.

· Mistaking everyone with a beard for each other.

· People with no mates and telling you where you’ve gone wrong

· Modern Football

· Trying to impress people by saying you like Elbow

· Joe Anderson

· Let downs

· Pride in your bellend

Tuesday, 28 February 2017

Review. Simply Dylan. The Atkinson theatre Southport 4.2.2017 (by Terry Lindsay)

Review. Simply Dylan.  The Atkinson theatre Southport 4.2.2017

As someone who has been fortunate enough to watch  Groundpig since around 81(I think) in venues, ranging from the utterly manic  Scotty club, bier Keller,  and Daily's amongst others, where Groundpig would have hundreds of deranged match going individuals dancing manically to 'nelly the elephant and' postman pat'  (the frenzied masses  obviously thought the aforementioned tunes were  rare and   unreleased material from Floyd, and Zappa  probably due in the main to a heady transcendental cocktail of Lebanon's finest, along  with vast consumption of leg-trembling liquor) as well as  songs by Dylan, Lindisfarne, Neil Young, Simon, the dire Dire Straits, Simon and Garfunkel et al.  It was a sight to behold watching hundreds and hundreds of Samba / mamba clad scallies (fuck off with yer “casuals”) moshing madly to such mild old folk tunes. Its hard to fathom or to emphasise just how crazy and utterly ecstatic those nights where! (But if you wanna read more about them, check The End’s Groundpig memories here The End staff Groundpig memories

Anyway, enough of my nostalgic risible ramblings and on with the review. The Atkinson theatre is the perfect little place for John (O’connell) and his band to deliver a brilliant and intimate interpretation of Dylan's work.

The Band opened with the wonderfully acerbic “Positively 4th street” (if you have a 2 faced, let down, waster of a “friend”, go and check the lyrics of this song and rejoice in the utter unadulterated cynicism of Dylan’s lyrics to accompany his snarling nasal delivery) this was followed by beautiful renditions of “ISIS”, “changing of the guards”, “Jack of hearts” and probably the best version I have ever heard of “My back pages”.  
The second set got off to an equally brilliant start with a scotty club favourite “Hurricane” followed by “Desolation row” and one of my all-time favourite Dylan songs “stop crying”. Next came an absolute stunning duet of “Boots of Spanish leather” with the bands multi-talented violin player. 
John was engaged in a bit of ongoing cordial banter in between songs with some delightfully classy females sat right at the front, from Bolton, who I thought were on a hen night and had simply turned up at the wrong resort believing that they were actually in Blackpool to see Chubby Brown or some other chavvy shite comedian, luckily enough when the lights went on there wasn't a blow up doll or inflatable penis to be seen anywhere!

The Band ended with a rousing rendition of “Like a Rolling stone”  that had everyone dancing in the isles (except for me of course, because I am a miserable prick and if I ever do try to dance I look like I am having violent parkinsonism tremors)….. Anyway, If you are a Dylan fan or simply just appreciate brilliant music performed by brilliant musicians then get your arses down to see John and his band, Simply Dylan! 

You can also catch John playing some old favourites at the slaughter house on the last Friday of every month at Liverpool venue, The Slaughterhouse.