Balancing a peanut on your penis
Starting a gang in your fifty's
Inexplicably sounding like Lee Marvin in mid sentence.
Talking in back slang to your dog.
Yearning for nothing in particular.
Finally grasping the complexities of earl grey tea.Claiming to have copped for a female Kurdish freedom fighter.
Completely missing the point and getting smacked because of it.
Fiddle players crotch area,
Mary MacGregor's nipples
Having a perpetual look of disgust.
Becoming all teary eyed about Checkmate (club)
The sinister re- emergence of Bowie Kecks.
Jürgen klopps omnipresent smile.
Having a semi erotic dream about Pauli walnuts of soprano’s fame.
Singing 'Salisbury hill' in your sleep.
Shoulder charging a snail
Wearing yer sisters tights for work
Yodelling in the street end
Fantasising about runny yolks
Building a life size coffin with your kids lego set
Smoking a kipper in a big fat cone
Being a daft ‘apeth
Holding on to your mates testicles for dear life
Buying your mate Lidl Trainees for his birthday
Mouldy old dough (in the star and garter)
Stashing yoghurt in your undies
Telling your dad he is gay
Having a big toe that looks like an index finger
Dating a Salmon
Jeremey Corbyn’s wrinkled elbows
“mind yer car mate?”
Having an affair with Peter Purvis
Pointing out my spelling erors
Joggers skin tags
Deluded fat people calling other people fat
Knowing the right people
Getting beat up in a cupboard
Coming home after six months with an Alberto Moreno haircut.
The past catching up with you.
Your nan catching up with you
Polishing your knee’s
Saying "stranger things have happened".
Hilary Benn's treacherous eyes.
Lying about your age.
Regurgitating the same old shite.
Tracking down unfunny comedians.
Going missing from Facebook.
Indiscriminate Bombings of little country's
Noticing Fiddle player crotch area’s
Fiddling with fiddle players crotch area
Ian Ayres crotch rot (caught from his leather motorbike cecks)
Biting bricks to impress the ladies
Badgering Burnley fans
Bumming a rolie
Surprising yer local bobby with a friendly can of marrowfat peas
Being spiked in the 02
Proud of being a gobshite
Finding out Cameron also fucked an eel
Pimping out your poodle
Working for the clampdown
Having an index finger that looks like a big toe
Thinking you are Shirley Valentine
Starting a phone sex line up in the lounge of the Throttles nest
Flirting with your neighbours wheelie bin