Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Ins & Outs (June 2011)


Afternoon delight involving toothpaste
Surprise facials
Rip roaring roast dinner farts
Hand painted skiddies
Titty nudges off yer mates ma
Getting a Brazilian on yer back (That long hairy spine thing!)
Getting a Brazilian to do your Brazilian 0’level language test for you
Using butter in yer tea when you run out of milk
corduroy socks
owls with great breasts
Curried rice crispy cakes
fighting the urge to wear a tie
nans with muzzies
telling your ex's mum you split with her daughter cos she was into water sports rummaging through Margret Thatcher
not giving a shit about ryan giggs business
Scouse in a giant yorkshire pudding
Still having yer lumberjack shirt that you bought from the London fashion fair in 1990
Wondering now, what to you know this is the end
Telling yer kids to make their own fuckin roast dinner
Feeling better
Confusing an aubergine with Jack Charltons right testicle
Pork ribs
Pork pie hats
Giving yer nieces a number one skinhead cut when you are babysitting
Finding a goldfish in your funeral suit pocket
Cupping your neighbours moobs (from behind)
Fat blokes in skinny jeans
Snarling, miserable bastards
Scars from the Scarlet’s Bar
Polishing your pimples
Grinding your teeth ……with a pestle and mortar
Waxing your hamster
80’s casuals speedo’s


Smiley happy people
Hosni Mubarak
Skinny blokes in fat jeans
Timid plums
Liking Snoop
Bacon doughnuts
Crotchless gloves
wet dreams about Sue barker
wearing chicken kievs on yer ears in the winter
3 pks of "thongs of the older man" for £1.99 in home and bargain
keeping a spare fishcake in yer sock in case the chippy is shut
sparrows with teeth
Smiling ass assassins
Not getting the “we’re not English, we’re scouse” thing
Soddomising Gary Numan
Expecting Happiness
Hobnobs on toast
Deciding you don’t have the time to take a shit
Good things
Black eyed Pete
Blonde haired, blue eyed lizards
Having a straightener with yer ma
Cleaning your arse on the living room carpet
Saying “who knew?”
Songs about hairy nipples
Denying piss stains on your kecks
Stuart Pearce
Ryvita vests
The End Book

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