Thursday, 24 May 2012

Ins &Outs May 2012


·         Inspecting your produce before you flush

·         Jah scouse

·         Filling your daughters pink doc martins with sardines

·         Having exactly 1792 different specimens in yer undies

·         Ian’s sandy Mcnab’s

·         Ordering  Jeremy Clarkson to teabag Maggie thatcher before you coolly club him with a sock full of thruppeny bits

·         Jerry Lee lewis

·         Walking on the beaches , lookin’ at  the…………………. used jonnies and rizla packets

·         Japanese porn

·         Glen Johnson’s acting skills in the mars ad

·         Glen Matlock’s fetlock

·         Yearning for the pasta

·         The Sand band

·         Breaking Bad

·         Thick as thieves

·         Knee length ball sac’s

·         Smoking pubes in yer 3 skinner

·         Mysterious stains

·         Creating havoc

·         Gaper’s

·         Telling your kid you stood on the Tooth that’s the end of that bollocks

·         8 out of 10 twats

·         Writing a song about yer mate’s girlfriend’s thong

·         Staring at the rude boils

·         Friggin’ in Wigan

·         Finding yer ma in laws antwacky underskirt in yer auld feller’s sock drawer.

·         Ingrowing toads

·         Proud erections

·         Planting cress seeds in yer ma’s belly button

·         Paul Simons mysterious elongated ear lobes

·         Uttering in Utah

·         Crispy fried sock

·         Hugging Rottweiler’s

·         A sneaky thumb job

·         Knitted books

·         Tottenham not making it to the champions league

·         Sweaty clefts

·         Easy skankin’

·         Using marmite as sex food

·         Shredded wheat on toast

·         kicking fuck out of anyone who sings “who like de mango”


·         The premier league

·         Media whores

·         Plazzy flags

·         Russell Bland

·         Ogling your kid’s teacher

·         Stephen Rotherham’s barnet

·         Borrowing your neighbours hair dryer every Friday (you know who you are feller)

·         Jaggers jowls

·         Kieth’s  cardigan

·         Ringo’s Wrinkles

·         Paul’s Piles

·         Lennon’s Leggings

·         Pete’s pockets

·         Townsend’s  tiny testie’s

·         Roger’s ringworm

·         Daltry’s doughnut ring

·         Rod’s rotting rectum

·         Stewart’s skin tags

·         Crosby’s callipers

·         Nash’s Nashers

·         Still’s shrinking scrotum

·         Dylan’s Daiper’s

·         Zimmerman’s Zimmer frame

·         Klingons-(those bits of poo that cling on to the hairs in yer ass crack)

·         The jelavic song

·         Old unsuccessful artists slagging other people music tastes on social network sites

·         “Moduals”…if you have seen the casuals DVD you’ll know what I mean…fuckin Knobuals more like.

·         Barry the Mod

·         Shitty, patronising money saving info adverts

·         Tory pricks…despites it obviousness, fuckin hell…anyone who voted tory can just fuck right off

·         Assuming your own coolness

·         Bacon flavoured bubblebath.

·         Drogba’s goal celebration in the FA cup final.

·         Standing in the stands, arms outstretched.

·         Slip on shoes and too short skinny cecks

·         The wombats (again)

·         Flip charts

·         Ironing cornflakes at 3.47am

You can still buy The END BOOK and read the original Funny Ins & Outs and stuff by Mick potter, Peter Hooton, Kevin Sampson and co, plus letters  from the Derby Lunatic Fringe!

There are a limited amount of signed copies in Waterstone’s on Bold Street and in the Liverpool 1 shop. … and of course you can still get it on line here.


  1. Simons syphilis
    Garfunkul's gonorrhoea

  2. The Stones Senility
    The Beatles Bemusement

  3. harrisons Hairy hemorrhoids
    Starr's sweaty sack
    Lennon's long lash
    McCartney's mysterious minge

  4. Ferry's familiar frown
    Faithful's Famous fanny