Monday, 15 June 2015

Micheal Potter - Mister Popular, Facebook fooligan and Lois jeans

First of all, some sort of apology explanation should be forthcoming re: Louis Jeans in the last ins/outs. A pair of Brutus Gold to the first person to have spotted this not so deliberate mistake.  (Brutus Gold was a make of jeans popular amongst certain folk.)

A true tale: Willie Whitelaw, the Home Secretary and dear Margaret’s henchman circa 1979, introduced his short, sharp and ultimately failed shock. Basically, it was a strict bang up strategy for the nation’s disaffected youth. Anyway, an END reader incarcerated at the time in one of these sterile outposts-somewhere in Yorkshire- was friendly with a Leeds fan whose poetic words went thus: "First thing I’m doin’ when I get out, scouse, is buyin’ a pair of Brutus Gold ". The fast- paced jeans fashion roller-coaster of the late 70s going into the 80s took no prisoners! Lois (or was it Louis?) Jeans were designed methinks for the slender of frame Mediterranean folk. They were always splitting all the time on the more robust scouse frames. (oh, and if any 80s casual is watching down that there London way, the same goes for you but 18 months earlier...obviously). Pass me the claret, I can feel a poem coming...

Mister Popular.

Drivin’, drivin’ very fast past the school smoking grass,

Tunes full on:  Leviticus, Deuteronomy,

Jokerman’s an apt tune for me,

Me bird’s on the corner standin’ proud and tall like a beacon to tango

Hope she doesn't fall off the Jimmy Choo’s

Or is Scooby Doos something to do with igloos,

Someone give me a clue?

Fook, I haven't got a jar but I’ve got a belter car. Specialise in bullying pensioners on blind bends, chattin’ imaginary friends, texting record producers, reality show recruiters, Big Brother’s just a dream for now. I’m movin’ in style,

Smash...Hello? Hello? You’re through to Jeremy Kyle!

Facebook Fooligan...

Could be New Cross South London, Hunts Cross or even Holy Cross Liverpool.

It doesn't matter, the song remains the same. Our cyber hero yawns and stretches the seams on his Stone Island onesie working to maximum capacity. One of his many online mates "Inky Arms", from Slovakia wants to know why and when the skinheads put the airwear away and put Adidas on? He’s in a pickle, maybe his old mum will know. She’s got all the newspaper clippings this ex skinhead girl, God bless her.  ‘Ah mum, he says ‘don't wear my fave Taylor Made. That's from the Open Augusta Georgia’. ‘Nah it’s not you nitwit’, she responds. You’re getting confused again. Your uncle George got it last August bank holiday from Southend, you muppet.

Such is life for our facebook fooligan. On line japes with fellow dreamers with a Jimmy Cagney ‘Top of the world Ma!’ very much in the foreground. ‘Here son, put this nice picture up. It shows your tattoos. The other one’s a bit blurry. Looks like a Top Gun reunion what with all those flying jackets’. ‘Blimey! Mum that was er 1970. Er, haven't you anymore?’ ‘Oh you mean the casual box set collection? Why didn't you say? I loved you in that diamond Pringle’, she gushes with pride. These are bound to get at least 20 ‘likes’ and even more ‘shares’ .Mum’s knowledge of internet speak was invaluable. She had more followers on facebook than me, a self proclaimed top boy. She loved putting up pics of the girls havin’ it large, bottles of Prosecco behind their On Tour witty banner.

And finally 

Mum got in a bit of "Facey " bother recently. Two DEFRIENDS! She was more angry than upset; an innocent chat over the incidental music featured in HOMES UNDER THE HAMMER turned down (out?) right nasty. Mum reckoned two lardy estate agents perusing a nice piece of decking with Badly Drawn Boy as a backing track just didn't work. Why not Blur’s one about a big house in the country or any Chris De Burg number? One disgruntled tweet led to another; even Techno fans got involved claiming under representation on HOMES UNDER THE HAMMER. Before you knew it, iron girder! Internet went into meltdown. Thank gawd it’s it sorted now. A couple of grammatically incorrect posts, pics of grand kids. Prosecco followed by 29 xxxxxxxx happy daze!

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