Ins & Outs The End Fanzine January 2016

INs

Exploding robins

Bald children

Balancing a peanut on your penis

Agent LVG

Starting a gang in your fifty's

Inexplicably sounding like Lee Marvin in mid sentence.

Talking in back slang to your dog. 

Yearning for nothing in particular.

Finally grasping the complexities of earl grey tea.Claiming to have copped for a female Kurdish freedom fighter.

Completely missing the point and getting smacked because of it.

Boycotting boycotts.

Fiddle players crotch area,

Mary MacGregor's nipples

Having a perpetual look of disgust.  

Becoming all teary eyed about Checkmate (club)

The sinister re- emergence of Bowie Kecks.

Jürgen klopps omnipresent smile.

Having a semi erotic dream about Pauli walnuts of soprano’s fame.

Singing 'Salisbury hill' in your sleep.

Shoulder charging a snail

Wearing yer sisters tights for work

Yodelling in the street end

Fantasising about runny yolks

Building a life size coffin with your kids lego set

Smoking a kipper in a big fat cone

Being a daft ‘apeth

Holding on to your mates testicles for dear life

Buying your mate Lidl Trainees for his birthday

Wooden curtains

Friendly lesbians

Frisky sausages

Mouldy old dough (in the star and garter)

Stashing yoghurt in your undies

Crotchless socks

Telling your dad he is gay

Having a big toe that looks like an index finger

Dating a Salmon

Jeremey Corbyn’s wrinkled elbows

“mind yer car mate?”

Having an affair with Peter Purvis

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OUTs

Pointing out my spelling erors

Joggers skin tags

Deluded fat people calling other people fat

Wool behaviour

Reunions.   

Knowing the right people

Getting beat up in a cupboard

Temporary insanity.

Coming home after six months with an Alberto Moreno haircut.

The past catching up with you.

Your nan catching up with you

Polishing your knee’s

Sundried chips

Saying "stranger things have happened".

Hilary Benn's treacherous eyes.

Lying about your age.

Regurgitating the same old shite.

Tracking down unfunny comedians.

Going missing from Facebook.

Indiscriminate Bombings of little country's

Noticing Fiddle player crotch area’s

Fiddling with fiddle players crotch area

Ian Ayres crotch rot (caught from his leather motorbike cecks)

Biting bricks to impress the ladies

Badgering Burnley fans

Bumming a rolie

Surprising yer local bobby with a friendly can of marrowfat peas

Being spiked in the 02

Proud of being a gobshite

Finding out Cameron also fucked an eel

Pimping out your poodle

Working for the clampdown

Ambling

Having an index finger that looks like a big toe

Thinking you are Shirley Valentine

Starting a phone sex line up in the lounge of the Throttles nest

Scurrying

Flirting with your neighbours wheelie bin