Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Lardies in da city- JOE WAGGs Tale

Lardies in da City- Joe Waggs tale

Why has our fair city of late ( too fuckin long ) been taken over by heffers from the north east? and i don,t mean hen parties from Kirkby.
Ohh Mama
Did you spot the cunningly hidden clue?.. the H word. (not forgetting goons with balls ,chains, tats and too tight t shirts… this is a genderless rant ) .


We have enough problems with our own rat bags and now it seems the nations, surely, very soon to be divorced are partying hard and we are the lucky recipients. The subtle yet witty Learner bride outfit wearer followed by a pack of mooses, shouting “calm down”! just makes the blood pressure go up a notch.
Hannah's Bar, Liverpool 2012(Geordie girls invade)
What have we done to deserve this ? "Who are ya " Divvies, high on crushed Paracetamol swagger and leer. Is it any wonder our cuddly doormen sometimes don’t turn the other cheek? In this era of nations striving for independence, there is only one answer INDEPENDENCE! ….A referendum on scouse automomy is the obvious solution in the long term. My quick fix ? A huge fuckin moat around the city, rounding up wools and wooles,ess to be detained until sober, all monies taken toward the scouse solidarnos election fund. We need to act before its too late! Many of our treasured drinking dens are now a definite no no. Swindon might well be a place worthy of birth and death but do do we need to hear tossers, veins bulging through tattooed necks, screaming it ?
Fri/Sat night our fine city centre resembles a blag Armani zoo, where Jeremy Kyle contestants compete to see who can be the most vile, and you know who the winner is? ………..A TIE COS THEY’RE ALL FUCKIN ‘ORRIBE. (a part from the Welsh firm I made a few bob on...... that, as I say folks, is another story).
Hannah's Liverpool gets a lesson in Geordie class

Yours, in sport and contradiction, J. WAGG.
You can still buy The END BOOK for Christmas 2012 and see all the original Joe Wagg tales, lns & Outs, mad letters, good poems, shite poems, Dossa, Mick Mills, Billy Bull, letters from Steve Rotheram M.P. the Derby Lunatic Fringe and fuckin millions of spelling mistakes and bad grammar.
There’s a limited amount of signed copies in Waterstones on Bold Street and in the Liverpool 1 Waterstones store... and of course you can still get it on line here.

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