Saturday, 28 September 2013

September 13 Ins & Outs


Your arse is on your head, your arse is on your head, you arse is on your head (bring back bald footy players and refs)



Knowing someone who has shagged a tomato

Tony Bellows Big gash

Pete shelleys muzzy

Padding out your lunchbox/package with rice pudding

Oxtail soup toasties

Sucking hard on an oxo

Placing a plaice in yer mates hood

Smoking rice crispys in a doobie

Putting a rice crispy in your bosses top pocket

 D.L.T perms

the D.L.T IS INNOCENT campaign.

Being suspicious,

Pork flavoured custard

smoking fresh air,

sly kicks at pets,

knowing what blind scouse is,

snitchin on snitches,

reading echo obituaries before your mar has,

not understanding family etiqutte,

still enjoying pub quizs

not knowing any hard cases at all and enjoying that fact

remembering Kojaks watch


Bartering with butter

Putting hot dogs in your mates ma’s central heating cupboard

Dicing with Dench

Giving your nan a butt plug for chrimbo

Providing an example to Example…before hastily flinging him off the 14th Floor

Coffee butties

Curried cotton

Playing cricket on your own

Dreadlock’d pubes

The Systematics

Punching a pygmy

Slapping slid

Chinning  Chris Malone

Giving yer boss a cheeky kiss on his bald head when you’re clocking off

Wearing footy socks over yer jeans

Eating yer mates daughters chicken nuggets while yer mates on the phone

“size of a mammoth”

Loitering in Leeds

Dogging in Dagenham

Smirking in Smedley

Rioting in Rhyl

Diarrhea in Derby

Wearing your aunties thong

Massaging your bosses lego






Ian fucking Ayre and his harley

Knee length testies

Mark Lawrenson

Manager of the month curse

Knowing someone who sends champagne over to people they know

That mad manc firm at the buzzcocks gig (50 yr olds in sheepie’s in a mosh pit isn’t a great look)

Scousers on those magaluf tv programmes

Rimming a rhino


“Hurr hurrr hurrr” laughs

BRodgers self portrait

You STILL wearing hoodies? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

wearing your lads north face

jimmy saville rinses,

talking about lines all the fuckin time

saying totally agree mate, when you’re thinking get me away from this boring fuck

being stressed,

stressing out,

stressing over xmas menus

the word stress,

not being stressed out

 not recognising stress,

stress related cardigans

refuting things

having a cat as a mate,

whistling soft porn tunes,


concentrating ,

the word bugle,

having a cousin who’s a loon

shouting medication time on the train

robbin’ rembrandts.

Stealing steak

Nicking Nike

Pickpocketing Police

Talking teak

Getting a tit nudge off yer nan

Young pups passing on wisdom to you

Having a spat with China,

Kicking fuck out of a sausage

Ball bag beards

“Dickcember”( leave your dick hanging out your zipper for the entire month of December for charity)

Polishing your elbows

Frying a frozen fritter on a Friday

Diced soup.

Collecting grass


Getting yer mates daughter to hold yer ciggy while you eat her chicken nuggets

Breaking your nipple

Felching in Fulham

Bumming in brum

Massaging your bosses ego

Remembering Scottie Road

Snarling at a sweaty growler

D. wing

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