Ins & Outs - September 2015

ins......

• Monkey boots {oxblood obs }
• Not rising to the bait,
• Zero mostel,
• Not bragging about bragging,
• Remembering and enjoying cruel stories {weirdo }
• Being nostalgic about getting a hiding,
• Running off with your auntie,
• Writing out big money bets you have no intention of putting on,
• Knowing what a pint of fifty is,
• Salt and vinegar flavoured beer mats,
• Beer mats,
• Ogling optics,
• Waiting up to catch rats,
• Dipping yer kids christening money,
• Boring the arse off everyone you meet,
• Going to hell,
• Appealing to someone’s sense of fair play,
• Still bunking the ferry,
• Lapses in security,
• Sitting off on the roof,
• The feather cut revival,
• Taking shite,
• Making a final change,
• Giving up nothing for lent,
• Knowing too much
• Corbyns vest.
• Gaining insight into ones third Chakra.
• Musing earnestly about salad dressings.
• Hurling mung beans in the general direction of Nazis.
• Being expelled from the labour party for being an ex-ginger.
• Reconnecting with long lost pricks on Facebook.
• The sinister emergence of Mungo Jerry type sidies.
• Inauspicious use of a shower head.
• Salacious use of panna cotta.
• Changing your cats name to Jeremy 
• Tony Blair going to jail.
• Democracy.
• Unable to grasp the concept of earl grey tea.
• Chewing the TV cable
• Having a fight with a fart on your fiftieth
• The Corbyn effect
• Snarling at your pastie
• Bumping into Dick Witts at work
• Storing lolly ices in your loft
• Tripe-y  underpants
• Playing waterpolo on yer roof
• Using ice hockey sticks as cutlery
• Crotchless Samba
• Big hairy busses 
• Oxtail soup wraps
• Understanding Jane
• Dirty Donna from Dovecot
• Snakes wearing stiletto’s  & stockings
• Wishing for the sweat to stop
• Bouncing celery off yer nans head
• Stuffed sparrows in the front parlour
• White Man in Hammersmith  left luggage department
• Waking up on Sunday morning and sounding like a Tom Waits album
• Singing ,” oh dye yer bastard dye” to yer aunty Bridie
• Steak & Kidney pie flavoured aromatic candles  (4 for£1 in B&M)
• Fighting your Cousin
• Fighting your Couscous
• Dunking a chicken and mushroom pastie in your coffee
• Reading the new ins & outs at a Farm gig in the Echo Arena
• Japan to win the Rugby world cup

 

outs..

• too much talent,
• Being lovely,
• Getting excited about piffling things,
• Rugby union like,chums,
• Being ponderous,,
• Strangling yourself,
• Being glad when its all over,
• Slinking off to a brass house
• Tinkering with things you know fuck all about,
• Original sin, 
• Having sympathy for a scouse fox lost on the Wirral,
• Breaching confidentiality
• Still being a sly arse
• Buying your own ale,
• Hiding behind the couch,
• Remarkable shirts,
• Snake belt chic,
• Leaky things,
• Not saying to be fair,
• Worrying about space cakes,
• Having a big red arse,
• Smokey Moe’s loyalty cards,
• Dates in Smokey Moe’s,
• Smokey Moe’s xmas menu
• Hating refugees because they are better dressed than you
• Remembering Eric's demos. .
• Nazi marches.
• Holistic blow jobs.
• Blaming it on the "Boogie".
• Tristham Hunt.
• Liz Kendall's permanent look of vapidity
• Burnham's   plastic features. Leather Beards
• The release of someone else’s fart when you sit on a pillow they dropped one into a few minutes earlier.
• Rugby
• Facebook propagandists spouting fear and lies about people fleeing war and devastation
• Complaining that you have eyebrow cramp
• Yer boss in his / her normal daytime clobber
• Finding a tea bag string hanging out or yer birds arse on the morning after
• Self appointed gobshites
• Forming a tribute band called Spandau Belly
• Lad
• Knowing who Dick Witts is
• everyone
• Unproportioned  penis’s
• Being a shit dad
• Ins and outs
• Stuffing underpants into your socks to impress the ladiesssssss
• Shitting in the next cowboy hat you see
• Finding out the truth
• Remote control nostril hairs
• Frigid Frida from fazakerly
• Recurring dreams that you’re wearing Althea Redfern’s white leather catsuit, whilst committing blatant bus fare dodging.
• Claiming to be related to Gerald Stinstad
• Going to Bootle for your Hols