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Saturday 19 July 2014

July Ins & Outs (post WC)


Ins

 

  • Adrian Chiles’ testicle like jowels
  • Argentina’s brasil decime que se siente song
  • Finding cabbage in your undies
  • Farting at 4.15 on a Friday
  • Telling yer ma she looks fuckin hot today
  • The Brazilian kajagoogoo look
  • hard-case seagulls
  • Coffee benders.
  • Irreverence
  • Misanthropic hippies.
  • Offering your laptop out in frustration.
  • Saying "it’s not a problem" for no apparent fucking reason.
  • Listening to someone debating the semantics of "doing one"or
  • "getting on one"
  • Getting off one
  • Sideboards on yer face
  • Sideburns in yer living room (with plazzy flowers on)
  • Arse beards
  • Throwing 6593 buttons in your girlfriends face while she sleeps
  • Pretending your saw Ian McNabb on Neil Youngs support bill
  • Having girth
  • Asking for a gam
  • Doing keepy ups with a mouth organ
  • Playing “blowing in the wind” on a tennis ball
  • Finishing your partners (jail) sentences
  • Giving peace a chance
  • The ever increasing realisation that your country’s  (respected?) media tells lies and hides truth
  • Sapporo lager
  • Shitting on yer neighbours lawn at 3.40 a.m.
  • Bindipping…yes, that’s what we do in Liverpool, (you stupid inbred southern ignorant gobshites)
  • Remembering the Rubettes keyboard player
  • Kim Gorden (yes, still!)
  • Phil Collins secret stash of corned beef stashed offshore near Anglesey
  • Staring at rude boys
  • Chicken thighs after sex
  • Big fat calves
  • Casual rolling stones nights
  • Nicky Morgans tales of passion in the classroom (Book 2 )
  • Nick Caves cavernous cock conundrum (should he splice it thrice, or not?)
  • CSI (if  “CSI”= Croxteth should implode)
  • Peaches
  • Gear change wanks
  • Flicking snot on James Cordens back
  • Putting cress seeds around yer sweaty bollock when you go to bed
  • Making the Mrs egg and cress butties
  • Asking the waiter to join you
  • Asking your granddad  if you can borrow butt plug
  • Charging a mars bar over night
  • Penis shaped chicken fillets
  • Japanese blackpudding
  • Volleying the milkman
  • Having an affair with a snooker cue
  • Balancing corned beef
  • Tripping your mates 2 year old up
  • Asking for a gobble
  • Riding a pizza
  • Ted Dansons extraordinarily long ball bag
  • Exposing gobshites
  • Soap on toast
  • Feeling a left tit
  • Tomato sauce lolly ices
  • Getting a balloon attached to a stick off the rag man
  • Swerving coke ‘eds
     

outs

  • Saying “come on then” (instead of just getting on with the job in hand)
  • The Brazil crowds shrieking rendition of their Anthem
  • Asking for a pint of walnuts at your local
  • Curry flavoured edible knickers
  • Remembering the Goodies
  • claiming to know a favela crew.
  • talking defensive tactics with your cat.
  • The Chilean Travis bickle look.
  • saying "the space behind"
  • Linekers noisome smirk.
  • Lurid teenage beards.
  • Britain's firsts dads army type brigades.
  • Being young and healthy (twats!)
  • Cockneys (again)
  • Cock eyed cockney’s
  • Telling folk the plural of cockney is Cocti
  • Getting legged by cocti
  • Teenagers in waistcoats
  • Skinny lad legs
  • Circumcised budgies
  • Cardboard jammy’s
  • Pencil dicks
  • Forgetting what you were going to …
  • conservative  Conservatives
  • labour intensive labour voters
  • Anti-social Socialists
  • Undemocratic Democrats
  • Undisclosed closure
  • Angry nipples
  • Dramatic photos of oneself in the theatre
  • Forgetting who your mates were
  • MP’s and Musician publicity photos
  • Supporting a club that doesn’t give a fuck about its original core fans
  • Indiscriminate bombings of civilians
  • Living in an area so shite that shootings don’t even make the local papers, never mind the tabloids
  • Bootle Strand
  • Being a wacky, “cool” senior manager
  • Sugary armpits
  • Getting someone else to reply on your behalf (shithouse)
  • Not realising you’re a twat
  • Chelsea……just everything, classless twats
  • Being shit on by the club you support
  • Mixed veg stuffed In your foreskin
  • Imaging The Rubbettes keyboard player making scouse
  • Wool bosses thinking they are street
  • Moist pencil tips
  • Mates who tell you how many reps they have done
  • Being dead serious
  • Cock rot
  • Still talking about breaking bad
  • Gobshite shouting “Neil Diamond” over and over at Neil Young gig?
  • Judging
  • Channelling god via Boris’s arse
  • Excusing yourself
  • Bullshitting about your VOTE
  • Forgetting your rooooooots
  • Shitting bull shit
  • Expecting victory
  • Self-declared hard men
  • Cars with love handles
  • Parsnip parties
  • Expecting solidarity
     
     

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